Got a toothbrush?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
