i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
