Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Randomize
