Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
