I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
