Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
