Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
MIDGETS
????
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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