My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
