Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
