I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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