He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
