A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
