This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
