dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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