Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
