i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Randomize
