Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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