I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Is Oprah even human
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
