it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
