Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize