Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
