I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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