we have pet lesbian snakes
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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