after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
