the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
