I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Randomize
