Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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