Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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