i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
