cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
