dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize