i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
