there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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