if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
