no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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