just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
