If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
