whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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