Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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