I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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