A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
