I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
No subtext here. People are naked.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
