i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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