So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
