so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
