omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
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