I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
