I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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