haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
