Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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