He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
