I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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