at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
