just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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