The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
