Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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