So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
