Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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