it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize