i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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