Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
