I want to have your abortion
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
