My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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