butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize