I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
