Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
