Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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