Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
